Menopause seems to be in the news a lot these days, in a 'have you tried HRT yet' sort of way, and while I'm really pleased that the conversation is happening, I'm not so sure about the focus on 'symptoms'. It feels as though menopause is an illness, which isn't actually how I feel at all - personally, I'm having an adventure: swamps, sweat, dragons, occasional sunshine, and wise old women turning up with advice.
OK, OK, please don't shout! I do realise that for so many of my friends and colleagues, medication for perimenopause and menopause symptoms has literally saved their lives. But I got so fed up with the instant 'here take this pill' attitude, that I started looking for more research and thinking on alternatives, and I got so interested in what we know and what we don't know.
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| Watercolour is a great medium if you're hormonal, sweaty and weepy |
So here we are, all the women of the 70s, turning 50 all at the same time. (Like some sort of conspiracy!!!) The 70s was interesting, you've seen the memes about how we all drank right out of the hosepipe, wandered the neighbourhood, our parents never knew where we were until dinnertime, some of us got spanked, safety was unheard of, neurodiversity was not acknowledged, and yet we all turned out completely fine, right?
Dear Reader, we were not completely fine. For the most part, it was an awesome time of freedom, but I have very few friends who were not traumatised in some way. Children did drown and get electrocuted, and sexual abuse of little children (boys as well as girls) in the 70s was a big thing. So many of my generation grew up with vague memories of something which could never be spoken of, filed away in the 'do not remember this' part of the brain, as we carried on living and growing up and trying to act normal (which included 'normal in the 80s', can you imagine). Many of us helicopter-parented our own children, scheduling their every moment and watching their every move to keep them safe from an unremembered fear, handing them a different sort of trauma, and round and round it goes!
The girls of the 70s all turn 50 in this decade, and our estrogen and progesterone are having a wobble. Menopause impacts the hormones we need for regulating stress and levelling out our emotions. And some of us can no longer be sweet and lovely, because we can no longer gloss over the fear and rage and shame and anxious memories and emotions buried in our little-child brains. My personal theory, my way of embracing this menopause adventure, is roll with it, explore my life - all of it, the childhood weirdnesses and the silly decisions of my teens and the questionable relationships and bad experiences and the guilt and everything. Mind you, I'm in a safe, loved, generally happy place to time-travel and be hormonal. I also have had a mostly great childhood and life, I'm very privileged. I'd never judge anyone for saying 'yeah but no' because sometimes we just don't want an adventure if we can avoid it. There seem to be thousands of herbs (St John's Wort for anxiety, for example), yoga practices, wild swimming, dietary tweaks, and of course HRT and so much more, which work for different people in different ways. (I also have more than one friend who has said "menopause? no time for it, I've been completely ignoring it") So I suppose what I'm saying is, try lots of things. See what works. And maybe allow yourself to be unapologetically emotional sometimes. After 50 years of coping and being awesome, we have earned the right to lie down on the floor and weep, or go off on a ranty walk by ourselves, without apologising for it.
I recently read a lovely book, Hagitude - one of few available on menopause that aren't medical - which described hot flashes as being like an internal dragon, burning away all of life's dross. It's a fun read. It helped me to think about how I might enjoy the journey, even the not-so-good bits. I wish I'd read it a few years ago, when perimenopause symptoms were clashing with Covid and some big life changes, and I didn't realise that some of my emotional wobbles might be hormone-related. I might have realised earlier what an opportunity this was, to work out how all of us Old-Hags-With-Attitude might channel our different, wild energy into healing ourselves and the world we were born into.
‘It is the grandmothers in our oldest European myths and stories who define and shape the ongoing story of the world.’ - Sharon Blackie, 'Hagitude'
My usual way of dealing with stuff is to read books and articles, and learn about life that way. I read excellent blogs like 'The Bloggess' - and do read her books: 'Let's Pretend This Never Happened' made me laugh until I ached and cried in a good way. I have also re-read all of Terry Pratchett's Discworld books that mentioned the witches, because Granny Weatherwax and Nanny Ogg know how to get old in style and they also make me laugh my head off. I know doing yoga regularly is good for me. Friends go wild swimming in the cold English sea all year round and they swear by it. If I drink red wine, it gives me a headache, so I tell myself not to do that and sometimes I even listen...
What about you? How's it going? Have you got any advice? What's working for you? Are you a wise old crone on someone's journey? Or will you be, one day?
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